Top 10 Reasons Why Kinsella needs a Punking
Warren Kinsella: The Post-Punk, Punk
There are at least ten reasons why Kinsella is in for a good punking. We here at Goodwin Ginger feel up to the task. What qualifies us to punk Kinsella you ask? First and foremost we have a couple of corporate lawyers who have generously agreed to fight the good fight should he try to bully us in the most un-Punk of ways with a boilerplate letter threatening libel or defamation. Second and equally important we here at Goodwin Ginger are broke. So even if Warren did win a civil action (most judges will agree that as a spin-doctor his credibility is very hard to tarnish) there is not any money to win. You cannot get money from a stone. We have no income or assets here at Goodwin Ginger so let the punking begin. Check back daily for the top ten reasons Kinsella needs to get punked.
# 10: bar none one of the most uneventful blogs on the internets.
We here at Goodwin Ginger do not expect much from this post-punk punk; in the end all he has is a trades degree. But really, you set a new standard for contentless narcissism. Me and the kid at the beach; Me and the wife at the bar; Me in the strip mall; Me on television; Me and my derivative post-punk punk band; Me; Me; Me everywhere. I just luvs Me so much.
Seriously your blog reads like a bad 50-cent video.
Just remember:
# 9: What else do you give to a naughty little boy?
Yes Warren Kinsella has more than any other trend-chasing hipster could want. What do you give to man who, since he was a teenager at private school in Alberta, has identified with anything designed to send a chill down the spine of every timid upper-muddle class socialite in Canada.?
You don’t really have a punk band do you Warren? Why yes, you can read all about it on my blog? Oh you are too much Warren! Did you know Warren is in a punk band darling? No, I didn’t Jackie. He is so gauche.
Darling did you know Warren has a Super Bug? Does he actually repair it it himself? Oh I don’t know, it does not say on his blog. I bet he does, it would so match his everyman personna.
Darling did you know Warren has a Malcolm X t-shirt that he wears around while going to extremes to find extremism wherever he can?
You are not really a socialist are you Warren. Well yes, I insinuate as much on my blog. Darling did you know Warren is a socialist. No dear I just thought he was a liberal. Haven’t they been everything for an election cycle at one time or another?
Oh darling, why can’t you be more hip like Warren? He is so dangerous it just tickles me all over.
Yes Warren is, in the arid and ultimately riskless white upper middle class world to which he belongs, a bad, bad boy. Doesn’t that naughty boy just deserve a spanking?
Warren your Blog reads like a made for TV movie. We hear the CBC is looking for trite scripts you should give them a call.
# 8: Warren Plays Hardball. Bring it SFH.
Ginger Goodwin,
Please be advised that Mr. Warren Kinsella has requested information
from Progressive Bloggers on how to contact you. I take this to mean he
is requesting your e-mail address that you used to sign up as an
affiliate (this one). Please note that we will not divulge this
information without your expressed permission. However, we will comply
with any court orders requiring to divulge this information.
In the case that you do wish to allow us to release your e-mail address,
please let me know.
Sincerely,
Wayne Chu
Administrator
Progressive Bloggers
GG Responds:
Hey Warren man you need to chill. You have our email address. If you want talk man just call us. We are all just men in the playpen of life. I thought you punks were down.
Thanks for the freebie. We only could come up with 7 more reasons.
GG.
# 7: Warren Kinsella gets Punked in Jamaica.
How can you not want to punk someone, who when punked, does not even know he is being punked? That is pretty bad for a punk; perhaps that is why he is post-punk but not past being punked.
WTF, are we talking about you ask? Well it seems on Warren’s last stay in the modern plantation economy aka in a tourist resort down Jamaica way Warren got punked by one of locals and did not even realize that he had been punked. In fact he is so oblivious to the fact that he got punked he re-tells the story on his blog (see his entry for June 5, 2006). We would repost the entry here but Warren has the following generous entry at the bottom of his blog: “All contents copyright 2006 warrenkinsella.com.
No reproduction whatsoever, in any form, without permission.” We hope that this notice is not covered therein.
Basically Warren walks into a shop and asks the salesman at the counter for a t-shirt with the image of one Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia. The salesman shows Warren some shirts with Harleys on them. Warrren says ‘no dude Haile Selassie king of the Rastafari’. The salesman shows him some more shirts with a Harley. Warren concludes: the salesman is confused and writes a post that makes fun of him.
Now here is the thing. It is simply impossible that anyone in Jamaica over two years of age could be confused about who Ras Tafari is. Warren here is a hint big guy. Rastas and non-Rastas in Jamaica take this shit seriously. So the real story must be either:
(A) That the salesman had no shirts with Ras Tafari on them and he still wanted to make a sale.
Or and we think the most likely
(B) That the salesman sized up ol’ Warren in about two seconds and decided there was no way in hell he was going to sell this SFH representative from Babylon a t-shirt with an image of the Right Honourable Ras Tafari on it.
Warren, dude, when you are in Jamaica does it ever occur to you that you are a 6’ 1’ white man? Here is a popular Bob Marley lyric
“Them crazy, them crazy
We gonna chase those crazy
Baldheads out of town
Chase those crazy baldheads
Out of town”
Who do you think “those crazy baldheads” refers to? Sadly, yes Warren you. Do you get it now? You got punked in Jamaica.
They are not affraid of Warren Kinsella in Jamaica either
# 6: Where we come from Poser Ass-Kickers Deserve a Virtual Shit-Kicking.
The title really says it all. Who writes a book called “Kicking-Ass in Canadian Politics?”
Some alternative titles we would want to suggest:
“Warren Kin-sell-an-ass: Its Hard Out Here For a Pimp”
“Punching Protest in the Mouth: The New Form of Liberal Party Citizenship Engagement”
“The Americanization of Canadian Politics and Spelling”
“Cheap Stunts, Dirty Tricks: A DYI Guide for Dummying Down Canadian Politics”
“Hack in the Box: How to take Credit for other Peoples Work and Get Away with it”
“If You Can’t Dazzle them with Your Brilliance; Baffle them with Your Bullshit”
“Four Moves Away From Originality: Copying the Conservatives who were Copying the Democrats who were Copying the Republicans”
“Confessions of a Sinner: Without Me they Would Have Won Anyway”
“King Shit of Turd Hill: How I Helped to Turn the Liberal Party of Canada into a Circus Show”
“Aping Tiny Tories in Substance and Style: The Warren Kinsella Guide to Politics and Fashion”
“Warren Kinsella: Like a Box of Chocolates sans the Nuts”
#5: United Against Kinsella We Are Canada
Yes Friends our fathers and mothers fought hard to make this land free from the gross warmongering and national chauvinism that characterizes our cousins to the south. And it is only if we stand tall against those internal enemies that seek to instil fear into the hearts of Canadians that we will be able to perhaps emerge from the war on Terror with our honour partially in tact.
That is why we here at Canadian Observer are calling on all Canadians to take a stand against the Americanization of Canadian society and politics by just saying no to fear mongers and civilisational chauvinists such as Kinsella.
Together we can keep Canada safe from the evil chatter that is beyond the pale of Canadian politics. Feel free to copy the image and paste it into your web-pages, blogs and emails.
This may be distributed without restriction by anyone except Warren Kinsella.
# 4: 216 Pounds of Depraved Indifference Indeed.
Why this blog is not named “Aging yet to be Rogues Chasing after Tail” we do not know. Clearly, Kinsella and his band mates have an overdeveloped libido which has been meticulously crafted to chase after the skirts of those oh so bad, bad Havergal girl types.
When you read down the pages of these aging “punks” you discover that they are the most conformist types out there with an almost complete adoration of authority, especially for the form of authority that totes guns. Where is the depraved indifference? We here at Canadian Observer would like to know just what is it that makes Warren and his band mates think of themselves as such a raging enfant terrible? If you were all recovering addicts, or former outlaw bikers, or from the wrong side of the tracks with a history of bad company, or had dedicated your life to supporting unpopular causes which do not pay very well–Christ anything—we could understand. But no, you have spent most of your lives serving power or positioning yourselves to serve power while portraying yourselves as irreverent piss-takers.
As you all readily admit in your nauseating blogs, you are getting old. The clock is running and if you do not do something serious soon you are going to die knowing that you lived a lie. The good news is that there is still time for you. Take a stand, be men, rake some muck on those who actually wield some power in this world and stop hiding up the skirts of women.
Ps, Thanks Warren we could not have found your pal on our own. Cheers mate.
#3: No Code for Punked up Cowboys?
Kin-sell-an-ass’s Mate D. Raymaker Tries to Land a Haymaker: Problem is opponent is already on the carpet.
Back where we come from there was a code of honor. Once down and begging for mercy it was dishonorable if a third party wimp-shit came in and kicked an already battered man.
A little late to the party it appears Raymaker has decided to take some liberties with the actual facts of events and spin his own fantasy. It is indeed curios that the article he links to tells a very different story than the one he is spinning on his blog. What Raymaker fails to note for his readers is this: In order for Elections Canada to have found that the Liberals violated the Elections Act there would have had to be more proof than a sworn affidavit from Mr. Hansen. So they found, as they should have, that whatever may have happened in that office there is no way they could be sure either way in absence of objective verifiable proof.
To be clear, Elections Canada never found that Hansen lied. What they said was that they had no way to verify his claims. These are very different things. Upon hearing about the ruling Hansen issued an apology for his misinterpretation of events. What else was he going to do in the face of a libel suit? Hansen never admits that he made the whole thing up, nor does he apologize for lying. Why? Because he must not think he got it that wrong.
Hansen’s mistake of course is that he should never have gone public about the contents of the meeting in absence of evidence.
Let this be a lesson kids. When the opposition calls you over for a meeting during an election campaign get it all on tape.
As for Raymaker calling Mr. Hansen a “scumbag liar” what else do we expect from a 216 pound bag of Shit From Hell. Post-Warren “Kin-sell-an-ass” (all rights reserved) it seems that the rules have changed. Now, 216 pounds of depraved SH’s feel justified in metaphorically slamming the face of the already fallen into the pavement. Such outbursts explain why it is that the children of upper-middle class parents from the suburbs are the ones that we really should fear. Just look at how their fathers behave at the symbolic level of engagement.
Yah, Warren you and your friends are a real asset to the level of political discourse in this country. Go join the Tiny Tories. They love the conceptually challenged. Trust us, you will be really cool over there as you will be the only ones who got laid before 26.
Check back in a couple of days for an update on the Hansen story. Our source has asked us to hold off for legal reasons.
# 1 “Warren Gentile Lord of the Jews Kinsella”: The Origins of Warren’s Anti-Semitism
By Goodwin Ginger
There is some irony that a man who was once a proud member of the liberal party could end up shilling for the Tories. Diefenbaker’s Tories were notoriously anti-semitic; Mulroney’s Tories, though less shrill, were still no safe harbor for the Canadian Jewry; Joe-Clark’s Tories were a little better but still liberally (no pun intended) salted with laggard anti-semites. Indeed in the back rooms of the more provincial Tory watering holes the Jews were often and still are the subject of many an old saw. Stephen Harper’s Tories we are told are a much improved lot because its millenarian and militant Christian contingent from the west are banking (again no pun intended) on the rapture.
What has changed is that the Tories are now much less nationalist then they have ever been and that a vocal minority within the Canadian Jewry, possessed as it is by a massive bout of diasporic guilt, has become the vanguard of the first generation of Jews in Canada to actively and vociferously get involved in the dirty business of mainstream Canadian politics (much the same thing could be said south of the border). Make no mistake this vocal minority is playing what can only be described as vicious identity politics whereby they determine who is a good Jew, who is a bad Jew, who is a friend to the Jews and who is not. And this is why what a naïve liberal youth has described elsewhere and redundantly as “violent Zionism” is far and wide of the mark. What hard core nationalist ideology is not overdetermined by a heavy dose of violence? Lets just remember where Europe’s nationalism ultimately ended.
And that last sentence brings us back to poor old Warren. In the middle of fight he does not understand with the intellectual capacity of a ten year old; but to be fair with the empathetic heart of a real human being.
Poor old Warren indeed. It is hard to be a Catholic and not feel a little guilty about your faith: having been some of the biggest conspirators in the biggest anti-semitic plot of all time since the Romans. Who can blame Warren for attempting to track as much distance as possible between himself and a shameful national fascist religious past. Once the Pope finally confessed and apologized to the Jewish people of Europe for the Church’s unforgivable role in the Holocaust it was just a matter of time before others entered the confessional. Warren is working, as he should, through his own personal mea-culpas. The problem is that Warren has not intellectually grasped the extremity of the position that his guilt has nonetheless driven him to and which betrays a deep seated anti-semitism.
For Kinsella has taken Jerry’s midnight jet stream express to a land and history he cannot comprehend. Surrounded by well meaning although guilt ridden members of the Canadian Jewry Warren now feels comfortable to declare anyone who dares criticize the Israeli state, IDF, his hawkish friends, or who god forbid empathizes with the Palestinians or Lebanese as anti-semites. By Warren’s formula, i.e., anti-Israel = anti semite, the hundreds of thousands of orthodox Jews who hold that the Jewish state is a heretical entity must be anti-semitic.
Now “Warren Gentile Lord of the Jews Kinsella” thinks he knows who is Jewish and what a good Jew believes. This kind of stereotyping and cajoling of dissent is nothing other than a contemporary form fascist politics and when carried out by Kinsella betrays a deep seated anti-semitism. For apparently Warren cannot tell one Jew from another nor can he allow them or their history to be complicated enough to merit serious political engagement. No for Warren all good Jews think like Jerry and Asper and all good friends to the Jews step in line and march in step. Indeed, his un-refracted guilt has lead him, and some would argue his friends, to the new true anti-semitism and for that he deserves more than a good punking.
SFH: we all saw the Poltergeist once
The address we have on file here is goodwinginger@yahoo.ca.
As I stated in the previous e-mail, we will not release this information
unless you want us to or any court order compels us to. Please advise
on what further action you wish us to take in this matter.
Cheers,
Wayne
Our response:
Wayne,
On principle we say wait for the court order.
Go well,
GG.
Canadian Observer 
June 28, 2006 at 6:49 pm
Don’t forget Kinsella’s pathetic taste in music. What kind of lame ass would put Pennywise at #2 in 2005. I can’t think of a band that has more boring three and four chord songs. Anyone familiar with true tunage knows that the best loud album of 2005 was Propagandhi’s Potempkin City Limits. Kinsella is a poser, who needs a drumroll across his melon.
June 29, 2006 at 12:33 pm
WK’s saying that some website has called him names and insinuated that he used the near-death of his son to sell books. That’s not here, is it? I don’t see it (and I’ve looked).
June 30, 2006 at 12:49 am
No. That’s me.
June 30, 2006 at 1:33 am
You’re sick of him? Can you imagine having to deal with this goof face to face?
June 30, 2006 at 6:33 pm
Way to go Goodwin. This papone’s relationship to punk is about as heartfelt as the Monkee’s attempt to mimic the Beatles. This pantload is a fraud plain and simple.
July 1, 2006 at 12:59 pm
I’ll have to look at his mug in court. I’ve always thought he bore a disgusting resemblence to Brian Mulroney.
September 14, 2006 at 2:36 pm
What kind of lame ass would put Pennywise at #2 in 2005.
This is freaking funny! Definately LAME ASS.
October 3, 2006 at 7:47 pm
You need to do some better research
“By Warren’s formula, i.e., anti-Israel = anti semite, the hundreds of thousands of orthodox Jews who hold that the Jewish state is a heretical entity must be anti-semitic.”
Neturei Karta represent AT most a couple of thousand people.
Great attention whores but not much more.
December 13, 2006 at 5:59 pm
“By Warren’s formula, i.e., anti-Israel = anti semite, the hundreds of thousands of orthodox Jews who hold that the Jewish state is a heretical entity must be anti-semitic.”
where does it say Netruei Karta in there? it says othodox Jews which i assure you number more than a couple thousand.
January 5, 2007 at 5:01 pm
You people are sad. Agree with him or not, Kinsella is an entertaining blogger and a great writer. And it’s not that he shills for the Tories, rather he sees them as a better alternative to whatever the Liberals have become these days. Don’t be surprised to see him move back to the Liberal camp if their new leader takes the party back to its roots.
And for the record, Kinsella is an Irish name, not Italian. He’s Irish Catholic. So you’re comments about his motivation for defending Israel are inaccurate and unfounded (so at least it is consistant with the rest of your post).
January 5, 2007 at 6:05 pm
yah we changed that in the original post (should have read Roman Catholic) but when we copied them over the initial confusion was restated the point however holds: Its Kinsella’s guilt that defines his position not an objective stock taking of the situation. When you only have a hammer everything tends to look like a nail. As for his shilling, well it is pretty much agreed that he is a shill for himself and himself only. His convictions are about as stable as Bob Raye’s. As for his writing, there is no accounting for taste so no argument from us there.
March 18, 2007 at 12:00 pm
You forgot to mention his anti-intellectual rant against G&M scribe Carl Wilson after Wilson’s brilliant punking of Kinsella’s ‘I’m so punk’ book.
Kinsella attacked him for using big words and questioned his manhood, calling him a pansy.
I was recently reminded of Kinsella’s man math (ie smart = effete) while watching the film Idiocracy. In the film the population have become so stupid that anyone who uses proper grammar or ‘big words’ is immediately branded a ‘fag’.
While reading Kinsella’s blog, I have to constantly remind myself that Idiocracy is a work of fiction – and not a documentary.
Anyway your blog is fucking brilliant.
I raise a china teacup of fag to you and wish you and all the “Coackroaches” good luck.
Oh one more thing, Kinsella is the Nickleback to your Billy Bragg. Better yet, he’s the Limp Bizkit to your Ian MacKaye.